learning and loving Me…

I want to love my life, since I never have.  It feels like so much is holding much is holding me back.  Or am I holding myself back with all the fear I feel from the thought of living in singularity.

I don’t think I love anything about him, for years I tried and even convinced myself that I could be content, but I never could be that way. I can’t/won’t settle for someone who cannot do for himself, cannot make his own decisions and make goals for himself.

He told me why he loves me…all very codependent reasons. Because I did things for him, he loves me. I encouraged him, I helped him to believe in himself, but he doesn’t believe in himself at all.

People I thought were friends told me I should do what the bible teaches. Today’s bible is mistranslated many times and not written to be truthful. Most people cannot accept the truth about what the bible says. I can. I have for many years.

Published by Nancy

I’m a daughter, a sister, a wife, a mother, a writer, a friend. I cook, clean, work, teach, study, live, love and laugh, but when it’s all said and done, I still feel empty. I want what I can’t have, I’ve wanted it for a long time but it was taken. I thought to myself, the desire for it should go away now that I’ve prayed…I’ve cried, begged, pleaded and even pretended it wasn’t there; I cry out to God and beg Him to please just take this from me, do something to strip me of the earthly desires, of the evil in my heart and nothing happens…it’s still there and some days it’s hard to swallow and suck down the tears inside, it hurts so much and in one brief moment, it could all be gone so quickly! He gives me words to bless others with and release my own thoughts.

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