my dear one…

“The goal of the web is to engage you, to get you to click, scroll, double tap, laugh, cry, and share, to get you to stay up late online and then wake up in the morning and do it all over again.” This quote brings to mind who I am, what do I do all day long. I know I’m not on the social media very much but things on there influence my thoughts and my actions.

Things posted like video’s, those pictures with quotes, personality tests, quizzes that dig into my facebook to see the most likely personal comments that people share with me. You know they use those for the determination of said quiz, don’t you? Indeed it’s sad to say, that I too am influenced by those things. You know what that is, don’t you? It’s because we don’t know what our Creator thinks of us and then if we do, maybe we don’t believe it. Yes, I do, I believe it to a certain degree and then my mind strays on to other reasons why He cannot possibly love me, others who say they do, they don’t really and if they did then why won’t they talk to me or visit me. Why do they say they will but never have the time. Why do I feel like I have to beg them to come for a visit, they drive past my residence many times, sometimes more than once a day and they never stop to say Hi, I’m never invited to their homes, others always are.

How do I forgive myself, why would I need to forgive them? Forgiveness should not be about popularity and who is ‘chose’ to come for dinner and why in 7 years my family has never been chosen, except by one family many years ago. Does right or wrong matter, really?

I don’t have answers, I trust the Holy Spirit in me and I know when Yeshua is telling me to go or stay away.

 

Published by Nancy

I’m a daughter, a sister, a wife, a mother, a writer, a friend. I cook, clean, work, teach, study, live, love and laugh, but when it’s all said and done, I still feel empty. I want what I can’t have, I’ve wanted it for a long time but it was taken. I thought to myself, the desire for it should go away now that I’ve prayed…I’ve cried, begged, pleaded and even pretended it wasn’t there; I cry out to God and beg Him to please just take this from me, do something to strip me of the earthly desires, of the evil in my heart and nothing happens…it’s still there and some days it’s hard to swallow and suck down the tears inside, it hurts so much and in one brief moment, it could all be gone so quickly! He gives me words to bless others with and release my own thoughts.

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