The Struggles

There are times in studying the Torah (first 5 books of the Old Testament) that we grasp a principle, it wrestles inside us with, ‘the flesh’ or our ego/self, and Self doesn’t want to be diminished by Spirit…so it causes all kinds of emotional trouble on the way out the struggles to diminish the ego, and replace it with Spirit.

He (Yahweh/God) Must increase, I (ego) must decrease .. and other people’s behaviours will be in conflict with us…but, we must see that for what it is… So as we let go of ego, the materialistic lifestyle, we’ll notice that in ourselves we have a closer relationship with the Father, a deeper understanding and that’s because we aren’t distracted by the world’s standards. We’ve got the baby steps going on, with the Milk and now it’s time to move forward in our big steps and chewing on the Meat of the matters.

This hasn’t been without much effort on our part. Coming to this desire for a more meaningful life and a more intimate relationship with Him, has required many things on our part. Taking charge of the choices we make or have made, in some cases, takes Courage, for me it was scary, for others maybe not so much.

The changes you’ll go through do not go unnoticed, especially by Yahweh. He sees and watches with an approving eye, whereas, old friends or acquaintances are feeling left out or rejected by who you have become. Be patient and gentle with them as much as you can be. Also, realize that some will absolutely Not understand or accept the change in you. These are the ones you must consider walking away from. Maybe at another time they will seek you out and desire to change the ways they have been accustomed to. I don’t want to use the familiar Ecclesiastes 3 as a mundane set of verses, there are many things in that chapter that can help us to walk through the storms, to bring great understanding, and share some compassion for those who are seeking to find relief.

This whole ego/self principle was hard for me, as many of the principles of Torah have been. I wanted to understand and I thought I was doing everything correctly, but over time, it became clear to me that I just wasn’t “getting it”. I had take time to explore what was going on. I pray for others that this not be such a hard task as it has been for me. It’s also not as easy as it might seem. Depending on your situation and age you may have acquired many years of hurt and disappointment, rejection, abandonment, abuse (in any form); all these things can affect our outward behaviours, it can also be from the actions of others around us. I struggle with a feeling of others being angry or upset with me, this is because I live in an environment of that and others reflect their feelings/thoughts toward me.

I’m constantly reminding myself of the verse in Isaiah 55:8 – “For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways My ways, says the LORD. I use this reminder with others too, not only as an assurance of what Yahweh has for us. We can see this as a gracious off of peace, joy and release. It should be in vain to seek Yahweh/God, when now we can see that His words are calling out to us and showing us that His Spirit is within us.

Published by Nancy

I’m a daughter, a sister, a wife, a mother, a writer, a friend. I cook, clean, work, teach, study, live, love and laugh, but when it’s all said and done, I still feel empty. I want what I can’t have, I’ve wanted it for a long time but it was taken. I thought to myself, the desire for it should go away now that I’ve prayed…I’ve cried, begged, pleaded and even pretended it wasn’t there; I cry out to God and beg Him to please just take this from me, do something to strip me of the earthly desires, of the evil in my heart and nothing happens…it’s still there and some days it’s hard to swallow and suck down the tears inside, it hurts so much and in one brief moment, it could all be gone so quickly! He gives me words to bless others with and release my own thoughts.

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