I’m not playing around anymore.

It’s time.

I keep telling myself, “All of this pretending and performing – these coping mechanisms that I’ve developed to protect myself from feeling inadequate and getting hurt – have to go. No more hiding in the cocoon and being afraid of breaking through the shell. It’s time to come out.”

This wall I built, I realize now I have allowed it to prevent me from growing into the gifts from YHVH. I understand that I felt I needed these protections when I was small. I understand that I believed my wall could help me secure all of the things I thought I needed to feel worthy of love and belonging, but too many times I still search in that deep, in that longing for something Greater and now, I have Yeshua, but I still long for the depth in relationship with Him that I am desiring and in time that will come, hopefully sooner rather than later.

Time is growing short.

There are unexplored connections with others ahead of me.

I won’t live the rest of my life worried about what other people think.

I was born worthy of love and belonging.

Courage, joy and peace are coursing through me. I was made to live and love with my whole heart. It’s time to show up and be seen and stop hiding in fear.

Published by Nancy

I’m a daughter, a sister, a wife, a mother, a writer, a friend. I cook, clean, work, teach, study, live, love and laugh, but when it’s all said and done, I still feel empty. I want what I can’t have, I’ve wanted it for a long time but it was taken. I thought to myself, the desire for it should go away now that I’ve prayed…I’ve cried, begged, pleaded and even pretended it wasn’t there; I cry out to God and beg Him to please just take this from me, do something to strip me of the earthly desires, of the evil in my heart and nothing happens…it’s still there and some days it’s hard to swallow and suck down the tears inside, it hurts so much and in one brief moment, it could all be gone so quickly! He gives me words to bless others with and release my own thoughts.

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