Letting Go

I’ve been sitting here pondering, trying to write and I can’t find the words, writing is such a chore for me now, where it used to be for healing and for releasing all of the past. Now I’m finished with ‘getting over/letting go of the past’ and I’m ready to write about positive things and my ink seems dried up…

I remember the day I let go of the past, the very painful and agonizing past. I was actually angry and I wanted to cry and scream and I felt so alone, like I was completely empty inside and where do I go from here. I was angry that I felt like I’d wasted years of growing and learning to have this nothingness inside of me. In the days to follow I felt better, I was cautious to take in information or words that my spoil my new-found freedom. I’m slowing allowing new things to enter in and deciphering with wisdom what to keep and what to throw out.

I’m looking forward to a future now, where before I couldn’t imagine what that might be like. Everything is more beautiful than ever before, a future looks brighter and more appetizing, quintessentially extraordinary.

Nancy

Published by Nancy

I’m a daughter, a sister, a wife, a mother, a writer, a friend. I cook, clean, work, teach, study, live, love and laugh, but when it’s all said and done, I still feel empty. I want what I can’t have, I’ve wanted it for a long time but it was taken. I thought to myself, the desire for it should go away now that I’ve prayed…I’ve cried, begged, pleaded and even pretended it wasn’t there; I cry out to God and beg Him to please just take this from me, do something to strip me of the earthly desires, of the evil in my heart and nothing happens…it’s still there and some days it’s hard to swallow and suck down the tears inside, it hurts so much and in one brief moment, it could all be gone so quickly! He gives me words to bless others with and release my own thoughts.

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