As we grow and change, we should be able to have hope that people would want to get to know us as renewed and not always think we are reverting to the past. This is what I’ve experienced lately…if I say anything that remotely resembles the past, it gets thrown back at me.
I’m doing things I enjoy. I’m doing things I always thought the Father wanted me to be doing. I was introduced to ministering with others when I was 16 years old by my father, even before that age. I’ve always LOVED doing this but sometimes we have to minister to our own needs first.
WE can’t love someone else and help them, if we’re so distraught that we cannot take care of ourselves and our own needs. There have been parts of this walk that I’ve HAD to do alone, and it was hard having to leave my family behind, but they understood and they didn’t feel like I was abandoning them or leaving them out. They shared in the same experiences with me a few weeks later.
I’m still going to make mistakes, I’ll still have someone that’s angry or upset with me because maybe I misunderstand or maybe they do. I’m not going to be perfect and I’m shooting for perfection. I am only aiming to please our Most High, our Elohim (God).
Please don’t assume the worst about someone because their lives change or they are growing into a new understanding…it doesn’t mean they don’t love you, it means they love you more clearly, through the Father’s understanding. I cannot be everything to everyone but I can be the daughter of my King, who I was created to be.
I’m a daughter, a sister, a wife, a mother, a writer, a friend. I cook, clean, work, teach, study, live, love and laugh, but when it’s all said and done, I still feel empty. I want what I can’t have, I’ve wanted it for a long time but it was taken. I thought to myself, the desire for it should go away now that I’ve prayed…I’ve cried, begged, pleaded and even pretended it wasn’t there; I cry out to God and beg Him to please just take this from me, do something to strip me of the earthly desires, of the evil in my heart and nothing happens…it’s still there and some days it’s hard to swallow and suck down the tears inside, it hurts so much and in one brief moment, it could all be gone so quickly!
He gives me words to bless others with and release my own thoughts.
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