Closing And Opening Doors

I no longer have the yearning desire to know the past, to hold onto what is no longer present in my life. I’ve experienced as many bad times as I have good times; I’d call it an equal balance, although the lives I’ve brought from the blood, I’d really like to know, well, that the good times far outweigh the bad times that happen.

When we read in the Bible about Job, I think to myself, I’ve been bankrupt, homeless, helpless, and childless (only for a month at a time).  I’ve been a mother since I was 22; so to have no child in the home for even a night is as much the feeling of childless as one never having children. Left with the heaving of deep sobs of grief I always manage to move onward in a cowardly and courageous sort of way.

Many doors have been shut, slammed in my face and while the sting of hurt is felt, I take those as lessons that I needed to learn. I saw it as God working in me to help me grow. The doors that have opened are adventures that have happened or will be happening. So I hang on and take each door as it comes to me.

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Published by Nancy

I’m a daughter, a sister, a wife, a mother, a writer, a friend. I cook, clean, work, teach, study, live, love and laugh, but when it’s all said and done, I still feel empty. I want what I can’t have, I’ve wanted it for a long time but it was taken. I thought to myself, the desire for it should go away now that I’ve prayed…I’ve cried, begged, pleaded and even pretended it wasn’t there; I cry out to God and beg Him to please just take this from me, do something to strip me of the earthly desires, of the evil in my heart and nothing happens…it’s still there and some days it’s hard to swallow and suck down the tears inside, it hurts so much and in one brief moment, it could all be gone so quickly! He gives me words to bless others with and release my own thoughts.

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