I started this journal on November 1, 2011 and I have decided to post on here. I think I will write about some of the entries on this list someday. Feel free to use it as an example of your own Journey, share, pick a topic to write about for your own life…

I’m a daughter, a sister, a woman, a wife, a mother, a writer, a friend. I cook, clean, work, teach, study, live, love and laugh, but when it’s all said and done, I still feel empty. I want what I can’t have, I’ve wanted it for a long time but it was taken. I thought to myself, the desire for it should go away now that I’ve prayed…I’ve cried, begged, pleaded and even pretended it wasn’t there; I cry out to Yahweh and beg Him to please just take this from me, do something to strip me of the earthly desires, of the evil in my heart.…it’s still there and some days it’s hard to swallow down the tears inside, it hurts so much and in one brief moment, it could all be gone so quickly.

Make sure to number the entries, remember we’re going for 1000!!

  1. Grace
  2. Shabbat!!
  3. a home to live in
  4. obedience
  5. desire to pray for my husband
  6. worshiping our Father
  7. hands raised in praise
  8. prayer for YHVH’s will for my life
  9.  a car to drive
  10.  patience for my husband
  11. dishes to wash!!!
  12. meeting online friends in person
  13. laughter with my friends
  14. long talks with sisters in LAW
  15. music that fills my soul
  16. a husband who loves me
  17. written words
  18. watching my cats and spending time with them
  19. cool days of Fall
  20. being able to do laundry
  21. soul food
  22. family near and far
  23. journals
  24. so grateful to have heat!!
  25. a beautiful and warm Fall day!!
  26. a wedding to attend…ahhhhh
  27. grateful for marriages in the name of Yeshua!!!
  28. good music, good movies and a nice quiet evening at home.
  29. friends who love me, even with my faults.
  30. a set apart day to rest and spend time with friends
  31. BOILED PEANUTS!!!! YAY, they were SOOOOO good!!!
  32. Touch or whisper a sweet nothing when passing through rooms and hallways, and we walk into hours of closeness. Forever love fixates like fresh love.
  33. slowly learning acceptance, especially when he tells me I’m beautiful, that’s so hard for me..
  34. grateful for freebie graphics that I can use in designing websites!!
  35. TRUTH!!
  36. hurt that brings you to truth…
  37. friendships
  38. sisters – younger and older, blood or not
  39. distant friends to go meet and visit with
  40. Tehillim 91, especially
  41. prayers for daughters
  42. cats and dogs to love on us when it seems like no one understands
  43. chai tea
  44. hot tea or coffee
  45. being weightless to the world!!!
  46. Life

47.  3 things about myself I am grateful for: my ability and desire to research, well balanced in my education, endurance.

48. a gift outside, inside and on a plate – the moon above as it watches over us; no matter where we are in the world the moon is there also, inside the warmth and the sounds of everyone sleeping. I’m so grateful for a little time alone, on a plate — grateful that we have food..the last week of the month is so incredibly hard and sometimes I don’t know how we manage, but for what we do have, I am very grateful.

49.  3 lines you overheard that were graces :  my daughters voice and her laughter as she talked with her best friend on the phone tonight. my husbands laughter and he and my daughter were goofing off in the kitchen right before dinner a couple night’s ago. my oldest cat loves to talk and it blesses me so when I walk outside the front door and there she sits on the patio table just mewing away and telling me about her day…she graces me with her warm purrs and sweet nose to nose kisses..

50.  one gift, old, new and blue – old gift – the art set my husband bought me a couple of years ago and grateful I kept it because now I’m working on my art and I have been blessed with a teacher. new gift – the three rusty skeleton keys that were given to me for my birthday; they hang on the wall underneath a picture of birds that I gave to my hubby for his birthday 2011. blue gift – the blue colored guitar that was given to my daughter years ago, she’s not learned to play yet but she still has that burning desire to do so.

51. something you’re reading, you’re making, you’re seeing: reading Book of Adam and Eve, I’m making a drawing in my mind of a Ketubah for when my husband and I renew our wedding covenant this spring, and I’m seeing a new light within me for all the dreams I had as a young girl…art especially.

52. one thing in my bag – I have probably the most uncommon bag anyway, it’s one of those Arctic Zone lunch bags, I know it sounds crazy but it doesn’t look like a lunch bag and I love it because it has bunches of pockets and the perfect zipper spot on the front that my phone fits perfectly into, so one thing in it – 2 writing journals, in my fridge – pepperocini’s that my daughter loves! my heart contains so much love for all those around me whether they’re on fb, in person, and some I’ve never met nor talk to on fb; I just love people.

53. 3 graces from people you love – grace from our Heavenly Father; grace from my husband for being so patient and loving with me; kindness and love shown from fellow brothers and sisters in our Fellowship.

54. light that caught you, a reflection that surprised you, a shadow that fell lovely – there was a light streaming from a cobweb that caught me right in the corner of my eye, it was irritating at first until I turned and saw it and it was a beautiful rainbow woven through the web from drops of water and an early rain; the reflection that surprised me and kind of disappointed me; I was drawing a hand and it seemed quite odd, I spent hours and hours drawing and erasing until I got it how I thought it should look, then someone told me it looks odd because it’s a reflection in a mirror and not the actual hand. I saw the loveliest shadow one morning, I’d seen it countless times before, it was on the wall opposite the sink and window over it, my curtain has pretty scalloped edges and a bow in the middle, those cast the most wonderful shadow on the wall from across the room.

55. a gift in your hand, a gift you walked by, a gift you sat with

the gift I always carry with me that represents an eternal bond is my wedding band from my husband. it’s pure silver and was especially designed for me by him. a gift I get when he walks by, my husband is so loving and affectionate, he often walks past me and with his fingertips rubs up my arm or down the back of my hair; many times he’ll lean over the side of where I’m sitting and kiss me on the cheek or just hold me, I’m so so blessed by these touches of grace and so very thankful.  a gift I sat with are the times when my 18 year old daughter sits in my lap, she loves it and I love it too.

56. a gift that’s sour, a gift that’s sweet, and a gift that’s just right

the sour thing I always think of is when I was a little girl and I tasted kumquats for the first time, they’re so sour, even today I can feel myself pucker at the thought of eating them but I still eat them and I’ve used them to cook with or can for jam…the sweet gift would be my moms homemade peanut brittle because my dad always asked her to make it and then he’d sneak up, or so we thought, behind her while she was stirring the mixture and it made her bottom shake…I think he just wanted to see her shake her bootie!! The gift just right is not sour and not too sweet, it’s Spumoni Ice Cream!

57. 3 yellow things that strike you as fresh mercy – the yellow citrus air freshener that I get a smell of every now and then; the yellow banana that saved me from getting shaky as a I woke up hungry; the warm yellow-orange glow of a fire burning.

58. something above, below, and beside you – above me is the snow falling lovely and each little snowflake is so different and so beautifully created by YHVH; below me is a carpet of warm under my feet and wonderful wooden floors that are almost 100 yrs old.; beside me is my empty coffee cup waiting to be refilled.

59. 3 sounds you hear – my chimes making merry music as the cold winter wind blows, my husband breathing in the bedroom (we live in a small house), the electric heater as it clicks off and on.

60. 3 ways you glimpsed the startling grace of YHVH – lightening in the night sky, raindrops on my window like tears falling from the sky, birds landing on the tree branches outside the kitchen window and sipping in the raindrops.

61. one thing you wore, one thing you gave away, one thing you shared.

**I wore a smile then gave it away and then shared it with all the world!**

62. 3 ways you witnessed happiness today. through my friend Tanna, my friend Rachel and through Helen. We all rejoiced together for most of the day, it is a beautiful thing!

63. something that made you laugh, made you pray, made you quiet. when a friend posted a black lamb as her profile picture, seeing my daughter cry when she doesn’t understand something, something that made me quiet is when I feel remorse because I’ve hurt someone’s feelings, I felt so ugly inside.

64. 3 gifts from the Word of Yah – Protection and Security:

Psa 91:1  Whoever goes to the LORD for safety, whoever remains under the protection of the Almighty,

Psa 91:2  can say to him, “You are my defender and protector. You are my God; in you I trust.”

Psa 91:3  He will keep you safe from all hidden dangers and from all deadly diseases.

Psa 91:4  He will cover you with his wings; you will be safe in his care; his faithfulness will protect and defend you.

Psa 91:5  You need not fear any dangers at night or sudden attacks during the day

Psa 91:6  or the plagues that strike in the dark or the evils that kill in daylight.

Psa 91:7  A thousand may fall dead beside you, ten thousand all around you, but you will not be harmed.

Psa 91:8  You will look and see how the wicked are punished.

Psa 91:9  You have made the LORD your defender, the Most High your protector, Psa 91:10  and so no disaster will strike you, no violence will come near your home.

65. grace in the kitchen, grace in the weather, grace that might have never been

I came so close to slicing my hand open the other day, it was grace that I didn’t, when the days seems dark and dreary and no light from the sun can be seen then at an unexpected moment this little ray of sunshine breaks through the clouds and lights up my whole world; if I’d never come to facebook or started blogging, I would never have the spiritual brother and sisters that I love so dearly.

66. 3 gifts you saw only because you were close up

a paw print of my beautiful cat named Cricket, he stops breathing then suddenly is gasping for air, a hairline crack in my favorite plate.

67. one thing in the sky, one thing from your memory, one thing that’s ugly beautiful.

hands raised in praise, my little girls long flowing hair floating through the air as she pretended to dance, ugly beautiful is the sin forgiven and renewed life.

68. one thing wrinkled, one thing smooth, one thing unfolded: a face full of love and wisdom, my grandmother had the smoothest skin and hands, my love for Yeshua is slowly unfolding and I’m seeing things with so much clarity.

69. 3 gifts in Messiah: His love, that He made me, that He forgives over and over only for the asking.

70. 3 things blue: the rock I found for that tree of life pendant, the rare occasion when the moon looks blue, my favorite blue and white Victorian dish given to me by a friend.

71. one grace borrowed, one grace found, one grace inherited:

All three in one, this statement was said to me one night during a Shabbat service – One of the great pictures of grace is when a God who covenants with His people watches them forsake Him, chase instead after idols, and yet after much time away from Him and while they in no way deserve ANYTHING from Him, He sends a messenger to call the same back from where He scattered them and grafts them back into the covenant and into the family of God.

72. a gift before 9am, a gift before noon, a gift after dark: before 9am the morning talks with a dear friend and brother, before noon a warm breakfast and coffee, after dark is the moon shining bright and lovingly calling out to me.

73. 3 gifts that might never have been: friends that I didn’t take time to let bloom before walking away, if I could just skip over last year, if I’d not watched him all year I might have never noticed him…

74. 3 graces found in your friends: patience, forgiveness, appreciation

75. a song heard, a soft word, where you saw light: the birds singing downstairs, silent whispers from Yeshua, in a room of 75 people I realized that all the things I’d done that tore me apart truly were not me…and those joy tears just could not stop flowing!!!

76. 3 old things that seem new: me, my outlook on life, my love for Yeshua newly restored.

77. a gift found on paper, in person, in a picture: a photo of one washing another’s feet in honour of our Father, the Passover lamb, the letter I wrote to a friend, the words just flowed and I barely remember any of them.

December 2012!!!!

One Full Year of Gifts of Gratitude~

Days numbered by calender:

1. 3 Gifts White: clouds floating overhead, knowing everything isn’t black and ‘white’ there’s also grey, white represents purity – this is the same pure love and endless love Yeshua gives us.

2. 3 Gfits Bright – oh, the lovely sunshine!, my daughter’s beautiful smile, the bright light from He who is the Light.

3. 3 Gifts Shining – I love the shining and twinkling lights in the night sky, snow on the ground when it glistens from the light hitting it, the shining of the light reflecting off my cup of coffee…:)

4. 3 Gifts circled, crowning, crafted – the neverending circle of our lives, a baby’s first tooth as it crowns through the gum, tree of life pendants that we make – each one representing the roots of Jesse, the branches of growth, the leaves are the stages as they change from season to season.

5. 3 Gifts Silver – two wedding bands that represent a covenant that can never be broken, my parents wedding bands, the ‘silver lining’ that surrounds the edge of the clouds when the sun is trying to break through.

6. 3 Gifts Sweet – the sweet and loving attitude of my Moma long gone; she would be 80 today, a baby’s slobbering, loving kisses on his mom or dads face, I always figured the wine Yeshua turned from water had to be sweet tasting.

7. 3 Gifts from the Saviour – all the whispers He gently gives for me me to hear, the pure and unblemished blood he sheds for us, the Grace he gave.

8. 3 Gifts; one hung, one held, one heard – only one answer for this one, the chimes my sweet husband gave me for Valentines Day a few years ago, I love having them hang near the bedroom window so I can always hear them as the wind blows them.

9. 3 Gifts Ugly Beautiful – the ugly crucifiction of Yeshua but the beautiful display of Love, ugly tears of a beautiful redemption…YES!!!! when a crop fails and then one day there’s this beautiful little bloom that’s just as strong and willing to grow…awesome feeling!

10. 3 Gifts unframed art – the work of YHVH’s hand could never be put into a frame, my daughter’s wonderful art as she sketches and it takes shape, our lovely universe with all its glorious wonders.

11. 3 Gifts Ice Cold – winters cold air, individually created and falling snowflakes, my hands after cleaning out the fridge and slipping them up the back of my husbands shirt!

12. 3 Gifts Berry Red – raspberries, pomegranates of blue, purple and scarlet with golden bells between, at the bottom of the high priest’s blue robe — Aaron was to wear this robe in the Holy of Holies when he ministered to the Lord in the Holy of Holies so he would not die; red cheeks and noses after playing in the snow.

13. 3 Gifts Striped – stripes of wounds and blood as Yeshua was beaten with the cat ‘ nine tails, chains and leather straps, stripes of colours in the rainbow with the promises YHVH made, invisible stripes of bondage as on a prisoners clothing that he must wear.

14. 3 Gifts Stamped – my daughter has a birth mark on the front of her leg, she often refers to it as His stamp or His Kiss, a stamp of confirmation through His Word, song or manifestation, stamped approval to make Him our #1 King.

15. A Gift gold, scented, bent low – the golden glow of a warm fire in the wood stove, the smell of wood burning, a most natural smell with no chemicals and the bending low of goodnight kisses when she was so young and so small.

16. 3 Gifts Bethlehem Unlikely – unlikely reenactment of the birth of Yeshua in Bethlehem Pa, Bethlehem town so croweded and no room, Bethelehem Academy won the basketball title by a 19 point lead!!

17. 3 Gifts Frosted – when my mom used to freeze our glasses and then make us tasty floats with root beer and vanilla ice cream, oozing down the side of the glass was that foamy sensation waiting to be licked off the glass, cold windows with finger art on the inside, frosty metal poles and kids wanting to touch them to their tongues to see if they really stick…

18. 3 Gifts Miraculous – every birth of every child is like a miracle over and over again, conception and growth of a baby in the womb, that flowers bloom over and over each year with more and more beauty.

19. 3 Gifts Manger Small – the stall where the lamb was born and learned to walk in, the small manger at the bow of a ship that confines water so it doesn’t seep inside the ship, the box that holds the anchor so the chain stays untangled – a picture of what bondage could be like.

20. 3 Gifts Angelic Song – when a kitten is first born and they’re trying to cry, they make the tiniest of sound; a boy singing of missing his dad, who was sent off to Afghanistan; the small tinkling sounds of chime against wind.

21. 3 Gifts Lit – a sleeping babies smile that appears suddenly, my life lit up with all of life when I forgave myself and accepted that loving myself is loving who the Creator made me to be, my daughters eyes as they glimmer with hope and excitement for a new journey in her life.

22. A Gift with Rejoicing, Wonder, Praising – When I’ve been out of state all week and finally get to return to my home fellowship, rejoicing with friends, the wonder-ment of how much unity is broken when one of us is missing and praising in unity for the same God, the Most High and Almighty.

23. 3 Gifts Starry – starry smiling eyes with a glint from the moon, warm starry nights sitting by the ocean, the North Star, which is Him that always leads us home.

24. 3 Gifts Humble – humbly I go to Him for help in the quiet of the night, the busyness of the day and when all the world seems so frayed; seeking humble heart to ask a friend for help, living in pain keeps a person humble, never expecting much, just desiring to do His will.

25. 3 Gifts Luke 2 – verse 9...the glory of the Lord shone round about them. (The Shekinah, or bright cloud, which symbolizes the divine presence), verse 19... pondering them in her heart, (her mind would search diligently to comprehend the fullness of their meaning. In her quiet thoughtfulness the beauty of the Virgin’s character shines forth)..verse 24...and to offer a sacrifice according to that which is said in the law of the Lord, A pair of turtledoves, or two young pigeons…

26. 3 Gifts in Christ – the gift of two beautiful daughters, 4 very happy and playful grandchildren, and special friend hand-picked by Him.

27. A gift found, shared and saved – beautiful rose and silver plates that my mother cherished, shared stories of where and how she got them and tucked away from my daughter to someday use.

28. 3 Gifts Lingering – the smell from dinner an hour ago, I’ll never forget the way my mother smelled 9 yrs and her scent still lingers in my mind, the lingering sounds of laughter of my childhood days.

29. 3 Gifts of Hope – hopeful for a world saved to go on and live in the walk of our Yeshua Messiah, hope for all things that are of Him, hope for sorrows to turn to Joy.

30. 3 Gifts Remembered – lessons I’ve learned, where I come from and who I am…

31. 3 Gifts Anticipation – new budding flowers in the Spring, meeting friends for the first time and the New Kingdom.