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The Gentlest Souls

I remember the day he asked me to please forgive him, we both bawled like babies. It humbled me to the core. I was hurting so much but I didn’t care, I never wanted to see him on his knees in front of me with tears streaming down his face. He looked so tired and exhausted. He was a true friend. Frank Houtz. I called him my Rabbi, but he didn’t care for the title. He often said, “I’m just a teacher”.

On February 20, 2019 his life ended due to an abrupt heart attack. It wasn’t really a shock to me, many times when I worked at the school, which was where our group met for Sabbath studies, Holy Days and Feast and Festivals of the Bible, I would see how terribly he struggled to get up the stairs of his office. We spent so much time talking and he shared so many amazing, yet hilarious stories with me.

My sister passed only five months before Frank on September 18, 2018. Her death was also an abrupt heart attack; which she and I had talked quite frequently about. I knew what she wanted for the end of her life. I was never allowed to have any expression of what she asked me to tell her son and his family. It was all so sad and they’ve blocked all communication between us and them. I continue to move forward and seek more for myself and for my daughter.

Just a week or so ago, Franks mother passed away at the age of 97. I’m so happy for her and grateful for the many memories we shared in over the past 10 years that I have known the Houtz family. Now I’m watching from afar as the two eldest Houtz have children and raise them.

All I can think to share is, make the best of the best times you have now.

Blessings~

learning and loving Me…

I want to love my life, since I never have.  It feels like so much is holding much is holding me back.  Or am I holding myself back with all the fear I feel from the thought of living in singularity.

I don’t think I love anything about him, for years I tried and even convinced myself that I could be content, but I never could be that way. I can’t/won’t settle for someone who cannot do for himself, cannot make his own decisions and make goals for himself.

He told me why he loves me…all very codependent reasons. Because I did things for him, he loves me. I encouraged him, I helped him to believe in himself, but he doesn’t believe in himself at all.

People I thought were friends told me I should do what the bible teaches. Today’s bible is mistranslated many times and not written to be truthful. Most people cannot accept the truth about what the bible says. I can. I have for many years.

being available…

Great experience today that I wanted to share:

I saw this older woman walking in the heat and she had three heavy bags. I noticed she stopped walking and could barely stand. I turned the car around and told her to get in the van and I’d take her home. She was so thrilled and very grateful.

I introduced myself and she said I’m Nancy too 😊we both laughed and woohoo-ed each other.

Then she was talking about her family having so many birthdays in July and I told her mine was the 21st and she burst out laughing and I asked what day hers was and she said the 22nd.

We laughed and woohoo-ed again. By that time, we were at her home and she said that she was so blessed to meet me and that we had so much in common…what a great blessing for me after being told I wasn’t hired for a job I really wanted. .

It was awesome 🤗 I was so happy to meet her and be available to help her out. So many drove right past her and never stopped to offer help.

The biggest and best thing is that it Immediately turned my negative experience into a positive experience. I am a blessed Woman

There is Always Hope

It’s never an ordinary day here. there’s always one thing or another going on.

Sometimes it can feel like I have a million things to do and no matter how I try, it doesn’t seem to get resolve when I want it or when I need it to be.

But I know there is always hope.

Even when you mess up, you have not wrestled control from Him.

After all the dust has settled, where you are and how you are is just as He set the course at the outset of creation.

Higher

Closer

You may not understand, you may not be able to see, but nothing can interfere with that plan. All must go higher and only higher each day.

And so, there is always hope.

Life Produces Fruit

The moment a branch is severed from the rest of the vine, it begins to wither and die. That will be our experience if we do not remain in Him, yielded to the flow of His life through us. Independence of heart and seeking to live our own life will sever us from the flow of His life, which is in the Vine. Our own life, our human natural life is by it’s nature, that of spiritual death, the end of which is destruction (John 15:6), the only life which we now have when we are in Messiah is that which is given by Him. A branch begins to wither the moment it is severed from it’s life-source (the sap of the vine), and the process of ‘death’ will continue until it is completely dried out. Green branches will not burn, but that which is dry, in which the sap has completely dried out, is that which is ready to be burned. A life cut off from the Vine will for a while be green enough to be grafted back in, but there comes a time when it is no longer possible to do it. When completely dead, then judgment is inevitable.

But, as we abide in Him, His life will motivate us and cause us to keep His commandments and precepts. Yeshua said, “If you keep my commandments, you SHALL ABIDE in my love, even as I have kept my Father’s commandments and abide in His love.” John 15:10

If we abide in Him, His life in us will live the life which will produce the fruit. Messiah in us will keep the commandments, for His life is in accordance with all the Father’s expectations. We will then have the love of God flowing out from us in all that we do, and love is the fulfilling of the law. By our own efforts we can never do this. See Rom.7:13-25

It is by the evidence of His life that the world will know that we are His disciples. The love of the Father will be in us and we will manifest that to each other (John 15:12,13; 13:34,35)

Yeshua said, “I have chosen you, that you should go and bring forth fruit” John 15:16.

We have been chosen for this purpose, the only condition is to abide!

The fruit of the Spirit is listed in Galatians 5:22-23. These are the qualities of God manifest in the flesh.