His will or yours…

“Where He leads me, I will follow”… this is an old song from the baptist hymnal.

Have we made sure it is His leading and not our desire twist causing us to believe that it’s His.

Some I’ve known are quick to think because things went so smoothly that it had to be God’s will, and sometimes I would agree.

Other times, it’s His will and the path isn’t smooth or easy going.

A lot of times He’s taking us on a path that’s hard traveled, with tests and trials along the way, I have learned to appreciate and grow during the hard times too.

Mosaics of Life

My entire life has been broken, maybe not from the start, shortly after my teen years. My passion is reaching out to the broken ones and tucking them in close; one broken soul carrying another broken soul, and we manage to make it through.

We don’t set out each day in wonder and think, “Oh, how might I break today, how much more can my life be fallen” but maybe we should. I cannot express the  disdain I had of being broken. The feeling of pulling back the cover on my heart, the thick blanket meandering around my shoulders while I am whispering to You.

We’ve been made to think that broken is a bad thing, something to be ashamed of, to coil into like a slithering snake and huddle in the darkness. Being broken makes mosaics, those little intricate lines and cracks that make up the letters into words of our own deep stories, being broken hurts. This is not something anyone wants but the Father wants it for us so we can draw closer to Him.

This is what relationship is all about, taking the bits and pieces and showing the bright Light that comes beaming from between each little crack. It’s what the He does best, breathing soft Life into each part, into my heart and watching the mending, even though there are scars left behind. Maybe those times can be remembered as a comfortable blur in a mosaic of my life.

It’s that stepping off the cliff and standing on air, hovering gently waiting on Him with every breath and faith that He will always be there.  His arms around me and showing me the life I live from high above, higher above than I’ve ever known to be.

Many people tell me, “all you need is Him, but then, you need this…and this…and this thing too…” and the milestone of brokenness hangs heavy and all I can do is collapse. There’s no running away from the shadows, because He’s in the shadows, He’s carrying me and I feel his grace run through me.

He’s in the Light. He’s in the dark. He IS. the marks are like ink on the page. they speak of a greater story, a deeper grace. They show that you are strong, wandering through fire but held tender and close.


Certain Reservations

I’ve not been here in a while, this place in my mind is reserved. Too many thoughts rambling about, searching for words. Deception, lies, deceit, words unjust and unclean to my mind and my thoughts; a world full of people who are drowning in hurt; they have let pride and stench from the ugly and dirty places fill their lives so high to the point that they don’t think; they seemingly forget about the the deep down hurting words and the beatings in the night; faceless man on the bus {There was a boy/man got on the bus with no face, no eyeballs at all, just hollow places where they were meant to be. He had a service dog and people gawked and stared and I wanted to go talk with him but I didn’t because of the service dog and the protection measures he needed}.  

Two others had a great impact on my ride for those days…It’s quite a thing when we recognize in our own minds that there is something deeper than what we seen or felt.  A young woman huddled in the dark, writing her ‘saving words’, as she referred to them, a young man who aches and cries at night for his mother’s sudden death and the birth of his daughter because he was sitting in another State finalizing his life with his mother. 

How can they not see that there is release, that they don’t have to hide under deceit and lies and there’s a place and a Force we all know and they’re only three small, yet encompassing words, Yahweh, Help Me! Of course, they’re more than just words, there’s daily walking and talking and living outside of what society deems to be normal, to find a voice and calling beyond what’s in a phone.

How do I turn those things into positive, meaningful and life-enhancing words, when I felt like I was stripped of even the smallest amount of dignity at all. It is not a thing of Pride. Once I have forgiven, I don’t like to revisit the occurrence but this time, for the sake of witness, I will. I know where my strength is, I’ve always known that it comes from Him, the Almighty, the Omnipotent God who Loves me, who Loves us all.

I know not why I search unless it’s the giving up of self/ego, trying to think I can do things best on my own. It’s IN Him from which everything I am is drawn from. It’s IN Him that I wake and I breathe through each day that He gives me. His strength is IN the faceless man on the bus, the young woman huddled in the dark,, the young man who aches and cries at night for his mother’s sudden loss. He asked to hug me because I am a mother, missing my mother too.

This was a vivid image in my mind. I was thinking of the people on the bus, on the side of the road, at the airports – no money, no food, no clothes, no Hope. Is hope all it takes to transform a life, desire misconstrued, an opportunity waylaid by a life of unveiling. I think Hope is a great place to start but I believe also that we must have, Faith and Belief in the One God that offers us complete provision when we go to Him.

Sometimes I wonder how people muddle through this world without some glimmer of hope in their eyes. I see it, you know…that look that slips across their face when I meet their eyes with a smile.

That look of want. of plead. of empty. They desire but do not seek.

And then we pass and they are gone. But they stay with me even after I’ve passed through and am home under covers. Because that look of hopelessness coats my soul with the grief that only loss can bring.

I want to go back and touch their shoulder and draw them back to the place I call Home and the One I call Father.

But as for me, I will always have hope, for You have been my hope.

I cling to Him tightly in those moments when the world rocks and I have nothing but the pounding cries of uncertainty. What do they do, when the waves slam them against the rocks until their grasp loosens and their dreams flow from their eyes like water?

In my nights of darkened grief when all I can do is weep until my pillow soaked with my tears and my hair is moist with salted sorrow, I know that my fingers can reach upward and grasp those of the One who holds me close.

I’m running to His arms and the riches of His love will always be enough.

Attitude of Gratitude

“When people think of generosity, they usually think of gift giving, especially during the winter holidays. The focus is on what you give and what you get. A few others focus on the needy.

On an daily basis, most people in public are bombarded with homeless people offering to work for food, and on television we see pictures of hungry children in third world countries. Most of these appeals are touching at first, but wind up being no more than an annoyance after the third or fourth time of being seen. The desire to help others degenerates into giving to appease a guilty conscience because we have and they don’t. Eventually and sadly enough, many become numb to the whole thing.

Generosity is more than simply writing a check or digging into your pocket to give to the needy. Generosity is an attitude, and and should translate into all our interactions with others. When you give someone the benefit of the doubt, that is generosity. When you are kind to someone who we might think doesn’t really deserve it, that too is generosity. The way we treat other people and the attitude is the most accurate reflection of generosity”. Excerpts taken from: https://drschiffman.wordpress.com/2011/12/29/generosity/

For me, generosity comes from the gratitude I have to YHVH/God for all He has done for me. Every blessing in my life is a reminder of the abundance of His goodness. With my family’s limited income we cannot afford to be generous with people as much as we’d like. We give to the needy, I can almost always offer the time to listen to a person’s problems and give them comfort, I can take someone who has fallen, and help them get on their own two feet. We can afford these things (not monetary) because YHVH/God has been so good to us.

When I meet people who are stingy with their money, or with their time or energy toward others, it makes me wonder how grateful they are toward YHVH/God. When we really appreciate what He has done for us, it enables us to be generous.

I know people who make excuses to not give. They say the ‘beggars’ (I despise that term) use the money to buy drugs and alcohol. They say all the donated money for the TV begging goes to pay for air time. I think we have to use great discernment and wisdom when we give, but we also need to be willing to take the opportunity and consider that we might be doing some good by giving. I just see it as this, in giving to someone it might be the only nice thing that person has had happen to them.

The parables of Yeshua/Jesus are all about the generosity of Him, but also about how we need to be generous toward others. Because Man was created in the image of YHVH/God, the way we treat others is a true reflection of how we feel toward Him. True godliness can not exist apart from human decency. Psalm 145, Matthew 25, Isaiah 58 all have some great verses on how we should give.


My One Desire

Developing a closer relationship with our Abba Father reflects a heart that is truly reborn, for only those who are in His Spirit desire a closer relationship with Him. In this life we will never be as close to Yeshua as we ought to be, or maybe even as we desire to be and the reason for this is from my own point of view, it’s the lingering of sin in our lives or that we aren’t letting go of self in order to Do all that He has asked of us.  This is not a deficiency on His part, but on ours; our sin remains a barrier to the full and complete fellowship with the Father which will be realized once we’re in glory.

No matter where we are in our walk with our Abba, we can always have a closer walk; and even in the new earth, we will have all eternity to grow in our relationship with the Him.

To have a closer relationship with Abba is to make a daily habit of confessing our sin to Him. Our sin is what drives a wedge in our relationship with Him and our confession removes that wedge. He promises to forgive us in

1 John 1:9, 10 If we acknowledge our sins, then, since he is trustworthy and just, he will forgive them and purify us from all wrongdoing. If we claim we have not been sinning, we are making him out to be a liar, and his Word is not in us.  

Forgiveness is what restores a relationship that has been hard-pressed or strained. Confession is a heartfelt response of those who recognize that their sin is an offense to our Father. It is the confession of one who realizes that his sin is what nailed Yeshua to the cross. We must learn to listen when He speaks. The Apostle Peter tells us that we have the prophetic word.

2 Peter 1:19 -Yes, we have the prophetic Word made very certain. You will do well to pay attention to it as to a light shining in a dark, murky place, until the Day dawns and the Morning Star rises in your hearts.

That “more sure prophetic word” is in the Bible where we hear His voice say to us. It is through the Divine-breathed Scriptures that we become in order to grow closer to Him, we should read His Word regularly.

The Word tells that when we belong to God, we must be thoroughly equipped for every good work in 2 Timothy 3:16-17 

The Gospels records Yeshua hiding Himself away to commune with his Father in prayer (much like I do myself). Prayer is much more than simply a way to ask Him for things we need or want. Prayer is a way to have continual daily chats with Him and learn to see Him in us and all that we do. We can have a closer relationship with Him by finding a body of believers with whom we can regularly worship.  The Psalms show us many calls from YHVH to His people to come and worship the with Him.

Psalm 95:1-2 – Come, let’s sing to Him! Let’s shout for joy to the Rock of our salvation! Let’s come into his presence with thanksgiving; let’s shout for joy to him with songs of praise.

Our Heavenly Father invites and commands us to come into His presence for worship. Not only does fellowship with believers give us an opportunity to come before the Messiah’s presence in worship, but as we come into the house of the Yah in worship and fellowship with His people, we can’t help but grow closer to Him as a result.

Yeshua told His disciples in the upper room:

John 14:23-25 -Yeshua answered him, “If someone loves me, he will keep my word; and my Father will love him, and we will come to him and make our home with Him. Someone who doesn’t love me doesn’t keep my words — and the word you are hearing is not my own but that of the Father who sent me. I have told you these things while I am still with you.

In James 4:7-10 – he tells us, Therefore, submit to God. Moreover, take a stand against the Adversary, and he will flee from you. Come close to God, and he will come close to you. Clean your hands, sinners; and purify your hearts, you double-minded people! Wail, mourn, sob! Let your laughter be turned into mourning and your joy into gloom!  Humble yourselves before the Lord, and he will lift you up.

Paul tells us in Romans that our obedience is our “living sacrifice” of thanksgiving to the Most High.

Romans 12:1-5 – I exhort you, therefore, brothers, in view of God’s mercies, to offer yourselves as a sacrifice, living and set apart for God. This will please him; it is the logical “Temple worship” for you.  In other words, do not let yourselves be conformed to the standards of the world. Instead, keep letting yourselves be transformed by the renewing of your minds; so that you will know what God wants and will agree that what he wants is good, satisfying and able to succeed. For I am telling every single one of you, through the grace that has been given to me, not to have exaggerated ideas about your own importance. Instead, develop a sober estimate of yourself based on the standard which God has given to each of you, namely, trust. For just as there are many parts that compose one body, but the parts don’t all have the same function; so there are many of us, and in union with the Messiah we comprise one body, with each of us belonging to the others.


All biblical references to obedience are presented as our response to the grace of our Father we receive in salvation. We don’t earn salvation through our obedience; rather it is the way we show our love and gratitude toward YHVH. Our relationship with Yeshua is twofold, whenever we draw close, He draws closer to us.

Isaiah 26:9 – At night I long for you with all my heart; when you judge the same earth and its people, they will all learn what justice is.

It is my One desire to draw closer to the Most High Yahweh and do service for Him. To be as a helpful child.

…Can You Hear Me Now?

Sometimes we don’t hear Yahweh/God because we don’t know how to accept silence or stillness. Sometimes it’s denial or other reasons but if we learn to be silent and be still we can hear His voice. It may not be loud or coming through a trumpet, it might be like the tinkling sound of brass. Small. Whispers. It might not be a sound at all, just a feeling inside of us.

There’s a lot of truth in this statement. “Be still, and know that I am God; I WILL be exalted among the nations, I WILL be exalted in the earth.” Psalm 46:10. I love this verse, I can see where it is talking to us as individuals saying, listen up all you people because even if you don’t I will be Known and Heard among all people, so don’t wait till then because it just might be too late.

He will get through to us, somehow, and we probably won’t like it! I have lots of experience with this. I know that silence is present because He’s trying to talk to me and wants me to tune into His voice. I have this friend who, just a few nights ago that is seeking a way to hear Him. I told her that she’s at a place now where she has so little to distract her that it’s making her uncomfortable and she probably can’t hear Him because she’s trying to find a distraction.

We need to be open and willing but He gives us a chance to hear Him on our own and we have to learn how and what capacity we can hear Him in.  Once we do doing that, then we’re thinking to ourselves. “how could I NOT hear Him talking to me”…I quite enjoy the stillness and silence myself because I know the opposite can be much worse, anxiety and rattled thoughts, hopeless feelings. I know in the silence He’s always there.

Sometimes its uncomfortable to hear what He has to say, usually when He is trying to tell us to get sin out of our life. We do often try and find ways to tune it out if it’s uncomfortable. Kinda like the dog in the movie Up ‘squirrel’. If you watched the movie. We might not be as bad as that poor dog but we do have our own ‘triggers’ that keep us from truly hearing Him. I also had a lot of experience not listening, I joke I can still feel the hammer marks on my head from all that pounding He gave me. Now I much like the silence, not just in my own, mind but around me I like the stillness within that only He can provide.

Another verse that dives into truth on stillness is: “Stand STILL and see the salvation of Yahweh who is with me.” Exodus 14:13.

Often we get impatient waiting but it’s in those times we are being transformed, learning to trust, to wait to be STILL and watch Him work His wonders! It’s part of removing the defilement often times. Not only in our own lives but in those around us. He is faithful and certainly doesn’t need our help. We have to move aside sometimes and watch the Holy One work out His plans and purposes. What a beautiful thing! I never want to be in a position that I’m not on my face, humble, seeking and waiting on Him! It’s in these times I am closest to Him. Doesn’t it seem that way?

“I only want to go lower” is something I penned last summer, it means, I always want to be at His feet, I want to be continuously reminded of our great ‘I AM’ and that He is in control my life. It is in these times that the small silent and quiet times are so illuminating for many of us…though some are afraid of them…if people only knew what it all really means.

I am reminded of the song “You Raise Me Up” even though Josh Groban wrote it for his grandmother, that song was so meaningful and so empowering because as Yahweh is raising us, we should desire to be lower in order to be Higher.