one day…

my life has been pretty unsettled but one day I’ll be writing again…please bear with me.

just because we aren’t visible does not mean we aren’t valuable..

the invitation

It doesn’t interest me what you do for a living, I want to know what you ache for.

It doesn’t interest me how old you are, I want to know if you are willing to risk looking like a fool for love, for your dreams, for the adventure of being alive.

I want to know if you can live with failure, yours and mine. It doesn’t interest me where you live or how rich you are.

I want to know if you can get up after a night of grief and despair, weary and bruised to the bone, and be sweet to the ones you love.

I want to know if you can be alone with yourself and truly like the company you keep in the empty moments of your life.

Oriana Mountain Dreamer


Eternal Treasures

I started thinking about broken back in 2012, when many of my personal belongings kept getting broken, through moves from one place to another. I always felt like I really had nothing but I did have some remnants of my childhood that I held tightly, because my memories of childhood have been long gone for dozens of years. I felt so empty and I wanted to remember my childhood so badly, back then.

Now I long or things that will further me in my life beyond broken things and broken dreams, beyond feeling broken by the world, far beyond anything this world could ever replace. I re-member the Promises He made to further my own walk:

Abba gave me promises that revolve around cherishing things that cannot be broken or lost. Through insights and traumas, He has brought to light, that you have treasures eternal in your possession that no physical things can ever take the place of.

my dear one…

“The goal of the web is to engage you, to get you to click, scroll, double tap, laugh, cry, and share, to get you to stay up late online and then wake up in the morning and do it all over again.” This quote brings to mind who I am, what do I do all day long. I know I’m not on the social media very much but things on there influence my thoughts and my actions.

Things posted like video’s, those pictures with quotes, personality tests, quizzes that dig into my facebook to see the most likely personal comments that people share with me. You know they use those for the determination of said quiz, don’t you? Indeed it’s sad to say, that I too am influenced by those things. You know what that is, don’t you? It’s because we don’t know what our Creator thinks of us and then if we do, maybe we don’t believe it. Yes, I do, I believe it to a certain degree and then my mind strays on to other reasons why He cannot possibly love me, others who say they do, they don’t really and if they did then why won’t they talk to me or visit me. Why do they say they will but never have the time. Why do I feel like I have to beg them to come for a visit, they drive past my residence many times, sometimes more than once a day and they never stop to say Hi, I’m never invited to their homes, others always are.

How do I forgive myself, why would I need to forgive them? Forgiveness should not be about popularity and who is ‘chose’ to come for dinner and why in 7 years my family has never been chosen, except by one family many years ago. Does right or wrong matter, really?

I don’t have answers, I trust the Holy Spirit in me and I know when Yeshua is telling me to go or stay away.


dear self…

One day I will be able to forgive all the mistakes you made.

I know it is hurting you, causing your maturity and your growth in Torah to suffer.

Your unforgiveness keeps you unclean and it would be great if you knew you had a clean Spirit.

It also keeps you from stronger, closer relationship with Yeshua/YHVH.

This unforgiveness is so hard for you and I don’t know why you would want to hold onto it.

~you’re all I need~

what is the unwasted life?

Our lives belong to God, and he has the right to take us any time he chooses. Few things make me tremble more than the possibility of taking this onetime gift of life and wasting it.

To hear the words of Yeshua/Jesus: (Matthew 16:24–26)

Then Yeshua told his talmidim, “If anyone wants to come after me, let him say `No’ to himself, take up his execution-stake, and keep following me. For whoever wants to save his own life will destroy it, but whoever destroys his life for my sake will find it. What good will it do someone if he gains the whole world but forfeits his life? Or, what can a person give in exchange for his life?” 

It is possible to waste your life? I believe from the world that I’ve experienced in my 57 years that it is more than possible to waste your life. I know many who are working and spending every dollar they make on drinking, drugs, disorders that they suffer with. It wouldn’t take much to pass on those drinks or drugs and take the money to help another or a family. Sadly, I say, too many only think of giving when it’s during the holidays or thanksgiving or christmas. Stop thinking of your own satisfaction and start thinking of others, all year long. Eventually, we learn to stop feeling like we’ve wasted our lives and hopefully, we can see beyond ourselves and start seeing the need and greatest desire that Yeshua/Jesus has for our lives.

It’s not our own selfish motive and that feeling of “tired of feeling wasted”, there is more. So, let’s take a look at (Matthew 25:31-40) 

“When the Son of Man comes in his glory, accompanied by all the angels, he will sit on his glorious throne. 
All the nations will be assembled before him, and he will separate people one from another as a shepherd separates sheep from goats. 
The `sheep’ he will place at his right hand and the `goats’ at his left. 
“Then the King will say to those on his right, `Come, you whom my Father has blessed, take your inheritance, the Kingdom prepared for you from the founding of the world. 
For I was hungry and you gave me food, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you made me your guest, 
I needed clothes and you provided them, I was sick and you took care of me, I was in prison and you visited me.’ 
Then the people who have done what God wants will reply, `Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you something to drink? 
When did we see you a stranger and make you our guest, or needing clothes and provide them?
When did we see you sick or in prison, and visit you?’ 
The King will say to them, `Yes! I tell you that whenever you did these things for one of the least important of these brothers of mine, you did them for me!’
For me that alone is enough reason to stop padding our pockets with dollars (or whatever your currency is called) and start padding the lives of those around you who may need your help.
(Psalm 121:2) says this:
My help comes from ADONAI (the LORD), the maker of heaven and earth.
The great passion of the unwasted life is to magnify YHVH/God in keeping with His instructions.

the essence …

“The key to Greatness lies not in our ability to Project ourselves to others.  It’s not as if we are putting ourselves onto a projector and creating an Image of ourselves on a screen. Rather, our key to Greatness lies in who we Are. When we can Give to other people, it is in such a way that when they walk Away from us, they are able to say in their hearts that they have taken Away something With them that is quite Extraordinary.”


This is what I call the Essence. What I believe about the essence, is that it comes from having the Holy Spirit alive in you, working in you, this spiritual essence is left in the minds of those who associate with you, no matter the capacity. People will remember what being around you felt like, they can describe it without hesitation for a long time afterwards. You will remember it too, when it happens to you.  How? it’s one of those things that your soul hangs onto, it lingers in your memory until you experience another time.


The first time I felt this essence I was 3 years old, this is also one of the very few memories that I have retained all of my life. I used to wake up every night and sit on the couch, I believe I was talking with God. I can clearly remember that time in my life and I remember so well sitting there on that couch and talking in a whisper with Him. There are many other times as well, but I won’t get into detail about those.


It’s like the wisp of a bird flying past or the flit of the wind, that you cannot see anywhere around you. It’s warm and gentle and the feeling can be ravenous, one day it might have slipped your mind and something will happen and there again, it comes like a soft, warm touch upon your shoulder or your hair or it might be a glance in a stranger’s eye.

like-minded people

Sitting in the room with all the like-minded, broken, bruised, torn apart people just like I once was.

Set Apart.

What are those words?

Why those words?

Yeshua bled is why and He’s why our unique creation exists; all individual, flawlessly created, not one being like the other.

Identical twins aren’t even the exact same.

Why did He chose me to be there.

He put me there against all the odds that were impaling me.

I have these voices in my head (negative thoughts), they’ve been there for so many years beckoning me to hear their music, to follow every note and keep in tune. And I did, because I knew no differently.

I could barely think of a time when the whispers were louder than this calling out of who I thought was me.

The darkened days, the gloom, the sorrow, that infinite dark cloud shadowing over me with each step I take, each breath.

Every chance there was, so was the darkness.

Ephesians 6:12 “For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places.”

This verse goes through my mind many times. some days, sometimes only once is all I need.