The Lover of my Soul

The Lover of my Soul

He created me and cares for me, he tells me I’m without fault or blame, without blemish, even though I make mistakes, it’s okay, I won’t be punished for it. He tells me and shows me love and warmth and protection with each new day…

His name is Yeshua (Hebrew for Jesus)..and he sees my struggles and loves me through them all. He never gives up on me. I have made my decision…Yeshua is For me, not Against me. I want Him more than anything else.

You see…it’s the perfect love story and I live to tell of it. He loves me so I can love Him and no matter my struggles I can always live and reach out to others.

All the years I’ve spent thinking and disallowing myself to be whole; because I talked myself into believing, that my mistakes keep me from being whole.

In the meantime, negativity and self-pity found a stronghold in my mind. I’m closing my mind to those things, never to rest in me or on my tongue again.

I want to devote my life to Him like many others have and help others in the ways they have.

Blessings

this essence…

“The key to Greatness lies not in our ability to Project ourselves to others.  It’s not as if we are putting ourselves onto a projector and creating an Image of ourselves on a screen. Rather, our key to Greatness lies in who we Are. When we can Give to other people, it is in such a way that when they walk Away from us, they are able to say in their hearts that they have taken Away something With them that is quite Extraordinary.”

This is what I call the Essence. What I believe about the essence, is that it comes from having the Holy Spirit alive in you, working in you, this spiritual essence is left in the minds of those who associate with you, no matter the capacity. People will remember what being around you felt like, they can describe it without hesitation for a long time afterwards. You will remember it too, when it happens to you.  How? it’s one of those things that your soul hangs onto, it lingers in your memory until you experience another time.

The first time I felt this essence I was 3 years old, this is also one of the very few memories that I have retained all of my life. I used to wake up every night and sit on the couch, I believe I was talking with God. I can clearly remember that time in my life and I remember so well sitting there on that couch and talking in a whisper with Him. There are many other times as well, but I won’t get into detail about those.

It’s like the wisp of a bird flying past or the flit of the wind, that you cannot see anywhere around you. It’s warm and gentle and the feeling can be ravenous, one day it might have slipped your mind and something will happen and there again, it comes like a soft, warm touch upon your shoulder or your hair or it might be a glance in a stranger’s eye.

Captivate Us

Your face is beautiful
And Your eyes are like the stars
Your gentle hands have healing
There, inside the scars
Your loving arms they draw me near
And Your smile it brings me peace
Draw me closer, oh my Yeshua
Draw me closer, LORD to Thee

Captivate us, Yeshua
Set our eyes on You
Devastate us with Your presence
Falling down
And rushing river, draw us nearer
Holy fountain consume us with You
Captivate us Yeshua, in You

Your voice is powerful
And Your words are radiant bright
In Your breath and shadow
I will come close and abide
You whisper love and life divine
And Your fellowship is free
Draw me closer O my LORD
Draw me closer LORD to Thee
Let everything be lost in the shadows
Of the light of Your face
Let every chain be broken from me
As I’m bound in Your grace
For Your yoke is easy, Your burden is light
You’re full of wisdom, power and might
And every eye will see You…

Our Family Mikvah

We had a family Mikvah at Family Week, Thursday April 5, 2012.  All the families that wanted to participate, or could, gathering on the eve of Passover. It was an incredibly royal feeling. I let my body fall under the deep and the Living Waters flowed through everything I am, even to my soul. I didn’t want to leave the warmth of the Mikvah behind, but I knew others were waiting for us at the top.

I came up for air and though the waters were very cold, I felt this warmth and peace running throughout my whole being…
It’s nice to cleanse the world off of us from time to time and know that His living waters have washed us throughout. This was our first Mikvah and we shared in such insurmountable joy with a few families, Some we met for the first time during the week, other we have known on facebook but only had the pleasure of meeting them during this week of Family Joy.

I learned an important lesson from the mikvah; to go with the flow and let the water take You. So, here I am today,  a woman, a writer, a wife, a mom and a daughter of the King.

Breathless, Glowing, A Singular Sensation

I almost can’t breathe as I feel these words come to fruition.  I close my eyes not even seeing the finale of that which is in my mind.

Isn’t that all of life? The times we are waiting to arrive, we breathe in thoughts of mercy and praise at the same time. In the dimmed light of the day when all life is quiet and peaceful these words came to me.

A whisper floats through my mind at this very moment, as my soul emerges, it’s the celebrations of Feasts, the hesitation of atonement, a small voice that asks, “will I be forgiven yet again?”

A singular silent moment in all of time. I think my heart isn’t beating as I ponder the humbling quiet of the day that awaits…these are the ways in our walk that change our everyday moments — christening each one as significant, amazing and holy.

There are so few people who can feel these words, feel the passion and breathtaking feat of getting them in writing…

This is Yeshua in me…He leaves me Breathless

Tonight after writing this and having dinner, there was a magnificent glow across the room. I looked out the window and this is what I saw. The burning of sunset and the birth of a new day in our Most Magnificent Creator!

When We Feel Broken, Where Do We Go?

These are the days we need to spend in prayer, to Yeshua our Messiah and Lover of Our Soul, and spend time alone in my bedroom, it’s where I can be quiet and I can listen. A lot of times I play prayerful worship music and turn the world off completely.

I love the quiet, I like hearing my own heartbeat.

I know that Yeshua gave me this heart, he gives me one beat after another after another; he gives me the tears that are like the spring of living water, those same tears that help me find my strength through the hard days. He’s always there, we just have to tune into Him.

You know we have to just learn to love the silence so we can hear Him.

I’m trying to find healing for my own past and my own self-destructive behaviours.

I have a 19 year old daughter whose been broken and beaten down since she was 9 years old. Fatherless in most aspects, of what a father is supposed to be.

I have never mothered a girl into a woman before and I cannot build a city in a day or even in a whole lifetime.

My friend always says, “The largest a mother ever is, is just before the swollen birth, after that she spends the rest of her life small, so very small”.

The sky was darkened and then lit up slightly just before dawn, then she made her delivery.

Her hair black and long, full of curls everywhere. Her beauty is breathtaking and captivating.

I’m in Great Awe of this Treasured Gift.

Years later, simply being in her presence makes for a conversation.

When her eyes reflect joy, I know then that I’ve done a few things right. When she sits on the ground, she looks up at me, with a wandering soft voice and asks, “what is it?”

All I can think of to say to this beautiful young woman is, “You are so beautiful and I love the sparkly look in your eyes”.

“You are the wonderment of all things of life and of all life’s plans”. 

I think to myself, “Where do I go from here?  Where will the Great Almighty have us in our new chapters of our lives?”

And as I looked into my daughter’s eyes I could see the Holy One, everlasting and eternal touch of a Living Stone full of the Living Water from the well that Yeshua has to offer us.

The Fabric Of My Life ~ My Mom

The distant sound of whirring and the foot pedal up and down on the floor. The sliding sound of scissors on the table as pieces of fabric were cut to embellish our bodies. These were the fabrics that wove our life together. My mom would sit at her sewing machine sewing all the clothing of my younger years. Rarely using a store bought pattern, she’d piece together her homemade newspaper patterns. With three girls, two boys and two foster children there was always a need for new clothing.  My mom worked tirelessly for hours and hours piecing and sewing one outfit, usually dresses, after another.  She stitched by hand the hems of all the dresses, the pant legs of my brothers clothing and many military patches on my dads Marine Corp fatigues. When my sisters and I were majorettes mom and her friend got together and made all the girls uniforms complete with fancy sequins and satin shirts to wear with them.

Many years later when I had my first daughter mom made Jennifer her first dress and bonnet to wear home from the hospital, it was yellow floral and stitched entirely by hand. Mom made my youngest daughter’s first dress too and even made the layette, bedroom curtains, a sheet set and bumper pads for Kelsey’s crib.  

My mom sewed through two generations of doll clothes for my sisters and I when we would lose our dolls clothes or they would just get torn from playing with them so much.  My mom sewed my daughters doll clothes as well.  Mom sewed all four of my bridesmaid dresses when I got married in a little under three weeks time.  It seemed as though she could just whip out anything that was ever needed as long as she had a needle and thread.  I remember always having trouble learning Math in school but mom helped me with that too.  I learned about measurements and fractions from my mom and her sewing techniques. I learned how to fit pieces that seemed impossible and make my own skirts and dresses. I sew myself now and even my youngest likes to sew with me on occasion. The days of sewing and watching mom are gone now but the memories will be forever embedded in my mind.

I’d have to say that what I remember most about mom’s sewing were the sounds that filled the rooms when she sewed. She usually had 6 to 8 straight pens stuck just on the edge of her lips as she pulled them out of the fabric one by one. Sweet sounds of her humming was often heard, though sometimes buried under the whirring sound of the machine.  They were usually old gospel hymns, “Sweet Hour of Prayer”, “The Old Rugged Cross”, “In the Garden” or her all-time favorite, “Where Could I Go.” I loved being with my mom. The way she moved around our home working swiftly and steadily from one task to another. It wasn’t the modern day work or the “Proverbs 31  thing to do, it was just my mom taking care of her family. The greatest title ever bestowed upon her.

©Nancy King, December 2008.