Living Through the Painful Moments

So much of my past hurt me, I hid so much for so long and used food as a protection from more pain. Now, I’m addicted to food or at least carbohydrates. I used to love myself or at least I convinced myself I did. No one could hate me more than I do myself at times. The other day I walked past some people, mostly men, while some were catcalling others were grunting and snorting and yelling SUEY (sp?) at me! I felt so humiliated and normally don’t hold onto childishness like that, but I couldn’t let go, it hurt deeply and no one can know the depth of that pain unless it’s been done to them.

I’ve been doing really well with changing my thoughts and creating positivity in my life. Most of the time, no matter what you see on the outside, I feel like a beautiful dancing ballerina on the inside, know Yeshua’s/Jesus’ love and value of who I am, who He made me to be.

This past week was especially hard with things being so busy at work and I found out that a friend I loved dearly passed away a week ago. Another friend gone, another nearly gone…I think it’s okay to feel these things for a while but not to wallow in them, not to let negativity drag us down and keep us in a dark place.

This week, I’ve not turned to carbs so much, I can’t eat when I feel bad, nervous, upset. It just makes me sick to think about eating. It might be nice to feel that way all the time, but that’s not healthy living either.

2 Comments

  1. Penny

    Nancy ,my heart goes out to you ,you are so sweet,I am going though some of same things so I relate to your pain ,just lose friend too .that will be number ,oh I lost count in last few years ,walking with them and their love ones too .I have gain 40pounds in last few years .Iam so ashamed of myself .i do want to go anywhere .I hurt my legs also I will pray for you ,will you pray for me .that God will do the finished work of healing in our lives .love you and thanks for being my friend.

    • Thank you Penny…I won’t post this as it seems very personal. Don’t be ashamed of a weight gain…I will be praying for you also…Thankyou.

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