Living for Him

Almost everywhere I look I see people who are immensely suppressed and experience tremendous suffering, mainly because they conform to those around them just so that they can feel liked and accepted, afraid that embracing and honestly expressing their individuality might lead them to social ostracism. Their life is a slow torture, and with every step they take they feel the burden of conformity growing heavier and heavier on their shoulders. They sacrifice themselves just so they can please others, unaware that they are committing a type of psychological suicide.

Are you living the way you want to live OR the way others want you to live? 

I ask myself this question everyday, many times a day. Most of the time the answer is No, I’m not living the way I desire most to live.  If I had my druthers, I’d be living in a convent but reaching out to the community and still doing to the work of Yeshua as expressed in Matthew 25:31-40. I won’t continue living so others can make themselves dependent upon me…

When the day comes that I cannot reach out and help others, as it has recently then it’s time to make major change in my life. I’m able to help financially, but financial needs are one tiny aspect of what other’s need.  Many believe that need to be self-sufficient, independent but Yeshua never intended for us to live life alone, without Him.  He wants us to be Interpedently, in relationship with Him, interacting with Him, not trying to please others or ‘self’.

So what are you waiting for?

Think for yourself.

Tear off your masks.

Act responsibly.

Live your life.

Living Through the Painful Moments

So much of my past hurt me, I hid so much for so long and used food as a protection from more pain. Now, I’m addicted to food or at least carbohydrates. I used to love myself or at least I convinced myself I did. No one could hate me more than I do myself at times. The other day I walked past some people, mostly men, while some were catcalling others were grunting and snorting and yelling SUEY (sp?) at me! I felt so humiliated and normally don’t hold onto childishness like that, but I couldn’t let go, it hurt deeply and no one can know the depth of that pain unless it’s been done to them.

I’ve been doing really well with changing my thoughts and creating positivity in my life. Most of the time, no matter what you see on the outside, I feel like a beautiful dancing ballerina on the inside, know Yeshua’s/Jesus’ love and value of who I am, who He made me to be.

This past week was especially hard with things being so busy at work and I found out that a friend I loved dearly passed away a week ago. Another friend gone, another nearly gone…I think it’s okay to feel these things for a while but not to wallow in them, not to let negativity drag us down and keep us in a dark place.

This week, I’ve not turned to carbs so much, I can’t eat when I feel bad, nervous, upset. It just makes me sick to think about eating. It might be nice to feel that way all the time, but that’s not healthy living either.

Inner Holiness

What if we actually never changed anything but just revealed our truest, inner holiness buried within…our authentic selves that we cover up over our lifespan to protect us against the pains of physical reality?

Sometimes I think that we go through life trying to change ourselves and become new people…but what if we just stopped dead-short and simply directed our energy towards becoming our real selves, the people the Creator made us to be.

If you don’t want to feel broken anymore, if you’re tired and frustrated that you cannot seem to let go of the past, then STOP it now! Don’t allow your thoughts to constantly bring up the past. Don’t Wallow in the brokenness that you feel. The more attention you give to your past, to your brokenness, the more you make it an idol in your life…

Where is God in all of that?  You did say at one time that you wanted Him, didn’t you? When you knelt on the altar or in front of the first pew in church, you did say, “I give my life to you LORD, I give all my worries to you, I give you the past and the pain.”  Thankfully, we get do-overs and we can go to Him anytime and release all our fears, concerns and worries. Take a moment and take that huge weight off, the one you’re carrying on your shoulders, the one that looks like this 375 lb. iron blacksmith anvil.

Oh my goodness, our Father does not expect us to carry that day in and day out. We have to let go of that. I see the faces of people I know and they’re so filled with discontentment, anguish, bitterness and hopelessness. This is not who He made us to be. We don’t have to carry this ‘brokenness’ around with us. Give it all to Him, He wants to carry this for you.

I’ve lived that life for many years and it got me nowhere, sure I became a stronger person, but my past is not a blessing to me, because I didn’t know how to let it go. I idolized it for so many years, it was all I could think of and then everything became worse and all of that turned into self-pity, it turned my ego loose and was the entire focus for every choice I made. Soon, my life was centered around me, myself and I….that person is no longer welcome in my life today. I’m working very hard on letting of “self” issues, not focusing on them. Lose weight you carry on your shoulders, lose the weight of the world, lose this blacksmith anvil and give it to Your Father, who wants it, but He doesn’t want it for you.