Month: March 2016

Tread Lightly

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Proverbs 15:1 — “A soft answer turns away wrath: but grievous words stir up anger.”

Take every thought captive.  I always thought I knew what this meant, but I was very wrong about it. Then I started making major changes in my life and was shown these verses in Isaiah 55:8 -11:

8  “My thoughts are not your thoughts, and my ways are not your ways,” declares the LORD.

9 Just as the heavens are higher than the earth, so my ways are higher than your ways, and my thoughts are higher than your thoughts.”

10 Rain and snow come down from the sky. They do not go back again until they water the earth. They make it sprout and grow so that it produces seed for farmers and food for people to eat.

11 My word, which comes from my mouth, is like the rain and snow. It will not come back to me without results. It will accomplish whatever I want and achieve whatever I send it to do.”

Every thought we have does not have to be spoken out loud or expressed! I know now that over the years I was harsh with others, often cold-hearted. I never meant to be, I didn’t understand when others said to me, “don’t take things personally” and it really upset to be told that over and over.

I never understood what it meant, I didn’t seem to have people in my life that would explain those things. Have you heard the quote, “hurt people, Hurt People” well, that was me 100%. When in the course of life, If a person has been hurt or worse — abused and this occurs continually as a life-pattern. That person is usually on the defense because {1} they either don’t care about themselves anymore and/or {2} they’ve been hurt so much that the thought process always goes back to the painful moments (negative thinking), either emotional or physical, sometimes spiritual.

Many of us I believe do this and are  still in this thought process. It’s not easy to step outside of it, it can be very hard and painful to trust again. Not one of us knows how much another is hurting, not one of us knows the past a person has suffered, even if you hear the words or the stories, we truly just do not know. I understand a painful situation, many times I can relate to that situation, but I cannot possibly have that person’s thoughts, their painful moments, I cannot take their place and their pain so they don’t have to suffer and to struggle with each day. Biblically-speaking, we are not meant to do that because we are supposed to give our burdens and struggles to the Father. Physically, emotionally-speaking, it’s just not even a possibility to take someone’s troubles.

{Psalm 55:22 – Cast your burden on Yahweh, and he will sustain you. He will never allow the righteous to be moved.}

No one need ever fear telling the Truth about anything — unless we fear our Creator isn’t capable of redeeming everything we’ve been through. I was that fearful too when I lived in one wounding after another, when everyday was bruises and bumps and burns to my soul from words that ripped me apart inside, tore me until I felt I had no identity.

Remember what the quote said in the beginning of this post, “hurt people, Hurt People” this perhaps is a perspective that might help someone out there to understand more fully that aching question, “Why me”? All of us, I believe, at some point will face these things either as victims, survivors or abusers and there is a way, whether or not you believe in God to move beyond this but my thought is that in the end, you will turn to your Creator for the best help possible.

Blessings

 

I was Captivated…

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It’s the depth that no one sees, the deepest soul of things. Paint that hides underneath the yellowed varnish that was forgotten for a hundred years or more, until one brave chisel flaked away the dark to show the light. The ugly turns beautiful like the old is renewed. It causes me to ponder the days of the past…when she was young and I was scared and captivated at the same time.

It’s nearly springtime, and I’m watching as life is battling winter every minute, every second to find its way out of the ground and into the blue sky out here.

I remember when she found a feather for the first time, and she smiled and held it up, and the velvety strands were strong despite the wind and the weather. She throws it in the air and shouts, here bird, it’s the dove we once had that she always called ‘bird’, here’s your feather, at six she’s just beginning to speak of life through words. It flies up to where her little fingers can’t reach, for a moment she whimpers and this second of sadness falls over her.

My breathing lingers on this one feather as it floats down, downward like the oceans wave in slow motion and her smile fills me, the look of discovery and love in her eyes. I whisper, open your hands, open those blessed little hands. The second of sadness turns to joy and glee as the feather spirals down and touches her fingers and I see a glimmer of light in her eyes, nestled in a spot between the tips of her hair and her eyes wide open and Oh, how she shines. This is You, in which I give all my love.

Down on my knees, where I am one with dirt and clay, I take the feather and tuck it in her hair, this little girl He gave me, the little girl in my heart throwing back long, light brown waves of hair with spirally curls on the ends, I smile as she is laughing to the sky. It’s holy laughter and love for His creation in the purest form.

I’m beginning to find Him in the little things, the things I had forgotten. I’ve written here for years about the beautiful ones, the weak, the small, the strong, the almost hidden ones in the Bible, the ones He created that were seemingly invisible to everyone else.

My memories of this innocent and brilliant little girl drift in and out while slicing avocados. I watch the slowly melting away of the thick skin under the cold steel of the knife to reveal the green nourishment, the delicacy and the thick and perfectly-shaped pit, the way a womb holds life, like your mother when she carried You inside of her. I’m speechless how much life can be wrapped up in something so wrinkled, so ugly it’s beautiful in the life it bore.

I feel the pain of that knife slicing, like the birthing of life, so smooth is the pain that has built-up around the potential of life that He placed in my heart. It hurts and the release causes me to laugh and cry at the new life I see.

The dirt is seen, speckles indulging here and there, tucked away deeply, like the clay moulded and breath of life that came before it. It blooms rich like spring and life through grace; indeed there is life shining from every pore. I long to be radiant, to remove the veil so the Light bursting from me can be a witness to every corner.

Tears stream down on my face as the feathers of life move and the ugly/beautiful grace of renewal spreads and the Light of Him flows through me.

I feel something stir deep inside my soul. It’s that little girl that was me and now… is she, tucking the feather behind her ear, she sits beneath a tree with the soles of her feet pressed together and elbows on knees.

Silent whispers breathing softly, your words run through me, interwoven like the roots of Life that is You.

Doing Hard Things…

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Doing hard things today…I can’t really explain but this growing upward and leaving behind surely isn’t some cakewalk. I’ve had to reach out for help and cry out, “please help me get through this moment”. A few minutes and a few tears released are just what I need sometimes.

No, nothing is wrong, no one is sick or hurting. I’ve chosen to take my walk with Yahweh/God much more seriously over the past years, I’m coming to a point now of that long path becoming more and more narrow, but I’m determined and prepared to walk through it.

I pray one day that you’ll all choose the same path, if you want easy and quick then you might not be ready. I’ve never done anything easy. I read on a post that the person writing said she’d love to pull off her flesh and no longer live in it, the problem with that isn’t getting out of the flesh, pulling it off, most don’t know that the beginning starts with taking off the mask that we tend to hide behind.

…Can You Hear Me Now?

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Sometimes we don’t hear Yahweh/God because we don’t know how to accept silence or stillness. Sometimes it’s denial or other reasons but if we learn to be silent and be still we can hear His voice. It may not be loud or coming through a trumpet, it might be like the tinkling sound of brass. Small. Whispers. It might not be a sound at all, just a feeling inside of us.

There’s a lot of truth in this statement. “Be still, and know that I am God; I WILL be exalted among the nations, I WILL be exalted in the earth.” Psalm 46:10. I love this verse, I can see where it is talking to us as individuals saying, listen up all you people because even if you don’t I will be Known and Heard among all people, so don’t wait till then because it just might be too late.

He will get through to us, somehow, and we probably won’t like it! I have lots of experience with this. I know that silence is present because He’s trying to talk to me and wants me to tune into His voice. I have this friend who, just a few nights ago that is seeking a way to hear Him. I told her that she’s at a place now where she has so little to distract her that it’s making her uncomfortable and she probably can’t hear Him because she’s trying to find a distraction.

We need to be open and willing but He gives us a chance to hear Him on our own and we have to learn how and what capacity we can hear Him in.  Once we do doing that, then we’re thinking to ourselves. “how could I NOT hear Him talking to me”…I quite enjoy the stillness and silence myself because I know the opposite can be much worse, anxiety and rattled thoughts, hopeless feelings. I know in the silence He’s always there.

Sometimes its uncomfortable to hear what He has to say, usually when He is trying to tell us to get sin out of our life. We do often try and find ways to tune it out if it’s uncomfortable. Kinda like the dog in the movie Up ‘squirrel’. If you watched the movie. We might not be as bad as that poor dog but we do have our own ‘triggers’ that keep us from truly hearing Him. I also had a lot of experience not listening, I joke I can still feel the hammer marks on my head from all that pounding He gave me. Now I much like the silence, not just in my own, mind but around me I like the stillness within that only He can provide.

Another verse that dives into truth on stillness is: “Stand STILL and see the salvation of Yahweh who is with me.” Exodus 14:13.

Often we get impatient waiting but it’s in those times we are being transformed, learning to trust, to wait to be STILL and watch Him work His wonders! It’s part of removing the defilement often times. Not only in our own lives but in those around us. He is faithful and certainly doesn’t need our help. We have to move aside sometimes and watch the Holy One work out His plans and purposes. What a beautiful thing! I never want to be in a position that I’m not on my face, humble, seeking and waiting on Him! It’s in these times I am closest to Him. Doesn’t it seem that way?

“I only want to go lower” is something I penned last summer, it means, I always want to be at His feet, I want to be continuously reminded of our great ‘I AM’ and that He is in control my life. It is in these times that the small silent and quiet times are so illuminating for many of us…though some are afraid of them…if people only knew what it all really means.

I am reminded of the song “You Raise Me Up” even though Josh Groban wrote it for his grandmother, that song was so meaningful and so empowering because as Yahweh is raising us, we should desire to be lower in order to be Higher.

Our Mission

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Our mission should be to have an intimate relationship with Yeshua/Jesus. If we ever lose sight of this then the present reality will be unbearable. Yahweh/God created us for a kind of joy, unmitigated sheer delight, that is rarely experienced in this day. If we don’t live Now, with Then in view, we would move through life with a self-focused demand to have things go our own way, to find relief from a misery that may not be escaped. I found myself living this way many years ago, however, since then I’ve begun working on a more focused and disciplined lifestyle.

It is true that today we live in reality’s shadowlands, where the experience of misery is often painfully real. Without hope in Yahweh, the best one can offer hurting people, is distraction, anesthesia, meaningless pleasures, and more ineffective strategies for getting their own way. Our goal/mission in life should always be to be under the Authority of our Almighty God.

Empowerment

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Blessed by the VERY best!! I have been so empowered today…words of Hope, love, truth, freedom from bondage; every day releasing bondage and accepting peace.

Really working on discipline in my life. Finding balance with my Messiah through relationship with Him. Everyday is a new day of erasing ego issues aka opposite of the Fruits of the Spirit.

  • The opposite of love is hate.
  • …of joy is self-pity.
  • …of peace is discontent.
  • …of patience is impatience.
  • …of kindness is ill-mannered.
  • …of goodness is greed.
  • …of faithfulness is unfaithful.
  • …of gentleness is spiteful.
  • …of self-control is controlling.
Recognizing these things may not feel empowering at the moment but later on I usually see the blessing in going through this process. I love learning new things, even if they are things I may not like, but it’s always nice to know that I can turn things around and start choosing to have better habits and a positive attitude.
Blessings

 

He Tells Me He Loves Me…

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I’m just a girl.
“You were not a mistake, for all your days are written in my book. Psalm 139:15-16
I determined the exact time of your birth and where you would live. Acts 17:26
You are fearfully and wonderfully made. Psalm 139:14 Yahweh is in awe over his creation of us and fears us as we do Him…
I knit you together in your mother’s womb. Psalm 139:13
And brought you forth on the day you were born.” Psalm 71:6

I have no “gigantic secret” when it comes to my salvation, when it comes to being a christian.
“Every good gift that you receive comes from my hand. James 1:17
For I am your provider and I meet all your needs. Matthew 6:31-33
My plan for your future has always been filled with hope.” Jeremiah 29:11

My father told me he loved me on the night he died, I never heard the words from him before that.
“In me you live and move and have your being. Acts 17:28
For you are my offspring.” Acts 17:28

I told him I loved him, I was terrified of him but moma always said, “tell your daddy you love him” and I, being the obedient and timid daughter, I always did what I was told.
I’m sure I loved him, at the very least I looked up to him.
You may not know me, but I know everything about you. Psalm 139:1
I know when you sit down and when you rise up. Psalm 139:2
I am familiar with all your ways. Psalm 139:3

My Father, my real Father who has always been there for me.

He tells me He loves me…no matter what.
After my earthly father died, I could never understand why his work and his community were so much more important than his family. I’m very grateful that I had a father at all. I learned to be a servant as well, but taking care of my family first. I understood the need, but why did he have to volunteer for everything that came along. Why couldn’t he desire to be with his wife and his children. “I offer you more than your earthly father ever could.” Matthew 7:11

My real Father, my Heavenly Father shows me and tells me that He loves me in so many ways.
Through all of nature and this beauty that astounds us.
Through the birds singing, children laughing, a cat that rubs against my leg wanting food to eat. He tells me He loves me through friends I hold dear, through love that was long forgotten, through smiles, laughter and through tears. “You keep track of all my sorrows. You have collected all my tears in your bottle. You have recorded each one in your book.” Psalm 56:8

My Father tells me He loves me in the rain, the wind, the ice, the storm and He tells me He loves me in a pure white snow — untouched and left clean of the world around us.
The glistening of the crystals — who could make up something so amazing and minutely detailed as a snowflake; only those works of the Almighty and Most High Elohim. Who can grow a child from conception through 9 months inside of a being, no one but our Yahweh can!

I know through all these things and many more; through His word that He loves me…no matter what. No matter how many times I fail or mess things up, no matter how many times I forget to thank Him or praise Him, no matter how many times my selfishness might cause me to stumble and I don’t give Him my best, He still loves me. I love Him too…no matter what.

Spirit Move Me

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It’s in that moment when being around someone and know and trust and feel what they have felt, though never touching one another. I go to him in solidarity and my tears heal me and it’s not as if I’m crying it’s the spilling over of the holy spirit that exudes from within me. I’m so full it has to come out from the eyes, from my lips through praise, through a glimmering light that breaks through the darkness of the outside world… voices break, it must only be a whisper or a slight breath that brings the moment of clarity between us. if I could live in silence and be this filled all the time, would I even seem real, real to those who need my help. a barrier breaks or thunder crashes and the peace inside me is so deeply felt that a loud sound is like a small tinkle of a bell. there’s no touching, just breathing slow as though I’ve tasted the sweetness of something and I never want to lose that from my tongue or my memory. it’s the spirit in me, it engulfs me like being in the womb or my mother, the fluid that surrounds the whole of me, it is life, it is each breath I take, i just want to soak in this and be in his glory as a baby would be. I want to be so deeply in him, my body tingles all over and it’s so very warm, like a blanket soft and pure smelling straight from a hot dryer. this must be what it feels like to be in the shadow of his wing, to be held I remember so ver well, he shelds me and carried me hundreds if not thousands of times. He soothes me in my ill-content, in my pain, in my slumber. He soothes me when I go into unfamiliar spaces. What must it be like to be in his presence, when all this hot white blue sings alleluia to His name.

On Becoming

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Paul understood the importance of discipline in 1 Corinthians 9:24-27 he emphasizes that, as followers of the Most High God, our spiritual lives form the core of our character. If our character is flawed our spiritual lives will be also.

Inspiration and talent will only carry you so far. The habits you form will sustain you. Even a very strong passion will not be enough. Enthusiasm does not make up for preparation. Exuberance doesn’t translate into a giant trophy. All of these things are good but none of them; exuberance, enthusiasm, inspiration or talent replaces training and discipline. I train daily for my spiritual journey, it’s more important to me than any trophy or accolades or compliments.

I long to have balance in my life, this comes through self-discipline which ultimately comes from relationship with Yahweh. In order to have the self-control we need to cultivate this same kind of spiritual fitness. Doing so can and will affect other areas of our life – how we treat others, where we go for answers to major decisions and the skills we use in accomplishing our daily tasks.

If you want to be effective, identify the habits you need to build into your life so you can share with diligence – habits such as physical fitness, balance between work and home, financial and personal accountability, productivity in the workplace and the like. Strap on your shoes and get going. Disciplined habits will give you the momentum you need to not only move forward, but also to run your earthly race with strength and purpose.

A Tireless Endurance

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She comes to me and says,
I’m depressed. I stay up all night and watch tv
I sleep all day because I cannot
bear loneliness in the night

I cannot bear the silence
or the days of light
the dark is what I long for the time when I close my eyes
and the nothing in there it hides.

it’s like the veil covering over
the darkness inside
like a curtain that closes
so I don’t see the outside.

I cannot even cry anymore
the hurt is so deeply rooted
or I’m so numb from the inside
The tears won’t flow
Pain won’t come out

I’ve kept myself silent
for so long this burning,
yearning this tireless endurance
for Him to come

it has me worn thin
much more than a veil
almost like shattering
yet more like a hell

the words I should say to her
I can’t seem to find
the impression of her heart
an expression of mine

but I can’t say those
it would be so unkind
taking advantage of her heart
by unleashing mine

how are the words
i love you never enough for
all they see is brokenness

a heart scorned
she yells and screams
and they’ll never understand
you took my Son!

and with their lashes
she watched him bleed
with the thorns they
impaled into his head.

He never once cried or even begged a plea.

she cried out No, No, No!
he is mine and his Fathers
the most sublime
without a whimper or worry
he just hung there to bleed

how can I say these words to her
she who feels this
life is so hard
when she’s so hurt,so anguished

why can we not see
that our weeping our sobbing and tears
are nothing that can compare
to the torture and torment
the price he paid

On that scheduled day in a life He made